January 202 - Merging

Who do we go to for information? Who would you like to see alongside myself in a live chat? I would love suggestions!

 

Now, besides that, how does one start a new year column-wise?

I won’t lie, it’s difficult thinking of one subject because just thinking of people’s experiences, it’s a spectrum.

 

But you have to start somewhere, right?

Resolutely positive to embark on this journey called life, there are those of us out there still wary of returning to ‘normal’ and with so many variants forming, it is so hard to keep track of.

How we centre ourselves in this madness?

I return to the immortal words of wrestler turned actor John Cena when he said “Control the controllable.”

Wrestling is a mix of popular cultured filtered into a commercial product for the masses and when you think about, isn’t that what this column is?

 

The merger of cultures, neurotypical and autistic alike, filtered into a message for the masses?

Lessons can be learned anywhere and absorbing what is necessary and discarding what is not useful for you is the way forward from religious perspectives to wrestling and beyond.

So controlling the controllable is my mantra moving into 2022. We are a collective, yes, but we can only be responsible for ourselves and I think this is something that is universal.

An addict may need some help quitting their vices but it is also true that their vices can overpower them regardless of the help offered.

 

People that are homeless may have all kinds of reasons for being in that position and it is unfair to judge.

Where does life end and begin for people on the periphery of ‘normal’ or ‘safe?’

Vulnerable people in our society, including many autistic people, are not ‘burdens’ to be swept under the magic carpet of ignorance.

There is a thread of humanity running through their experiences and we would be best to remember this.

Addictions can start from one toxic environment, a misinformed choice or a knee-jerk reaction to grief or loss that becomes a deadly one way street.

Those experiencing homelessness may be kicked out for missing rent due to difficulties managing money, breaking up with partners with a joint tenancy, fleeing domestic abuse.

I have only touched on the experiences above as I am not fully equipped to detail all of the possible routes in life that you can travel down. I am not putting the autistic experience on par with any of the tales above; it is not a competition.

But I choose to embrace the stories told and that have yet to be told.

Many if not all of the situations described could relate to an autistic person.

Much like the infinity symbol which authentically represents the autistic community, life goes in loops with its interlinked topics and paths to personal fulfilment.

But you have to start somewhere, right?

Let’s start how we ended 2021; with compassion, authentic connection and collaboration as we navigate these roads untraveled. Together.

A short poem to finish; The Autistic Truth

Plants grow from firm roots

But before you burst through to blossom

You have to learn who you are

The problem is that the truth is far

From the lessons learned in life

Authentic expressions internalised

As reasons you deserve to die

Mental health service time!

Such an urge to unearth just why

You feel how you feel

Everything about you that is real is concealed

So any room exists in a vacuum

Air sucked out of it

People in charge have blinders on

So it’s no wonder why we assign their trust

Counterfeit

It comes from misunderstanding

Mislabeling issues

And then of course, the diagnosis papers they give you

Feel like funeral rites

Tunnel vision definition means you’re losing all sight

Of a potentially BEAUTIFUL life

If we’re digging deep into history

The roots of the autistic truth, you will find


January 2022 - Monday Blues

According to some, Blue Monday (which fell yesterday, Monday 17th January), is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year.

It’s perhaps understandable to see why, when people are fresh from making new year’s resolutions with dreams of this year being THE year. Until it isn’t. Determination dies as inconsistency clouds your otherwise clear view of reaching your goals.

 

And yet we are in Red January (redtogether.co.uk), a lifeline for those experiencing mental health challenges throughout this month of wintry blues.

 

Can we meet in the middle here? If you consider red, blue and yellow ‘primary colours’ in painting, then red and blue create purple... a metaphorical blend of the ‘good’ and ‘bad.’

Seeing the ‘big picture’ can help put things in perspective but, of course, this isn’t about merely painting one big smudge of humanity on a canvas. You have to address the individual blots too, as individually flicked onto the canvas of life, as each snowflake.

 

A spectrum of seasonal remedies for the mind.

For me, getting out into nature (even if it’s cold!) helps me tremendously, especially when I do not have to focus on my phone that day.

You may be feeling lonely around this time and to counter that, I offer this.

It is okay to have a select core group of friends or even to be by yourself.

Self-love is the hearth that should keep you warm and only when you embrace your self can you truly give to others.

 

Particularly autistic people. We will often want to help everyone we can and whilst this is admirable, if we feel we need to depend on others to be loved, supported and such, it opens us up to manipulative people, relationships and situations.

As Ice Cube rapped: “Check yo’self before you wreck yourself!”

Nineties hip hop lyrics aside, it is truly important to feel at peace with all the pieces that make YOU, before relying on others.

But for those that do want to connect with a genuine group of people, there are opportunities out there to do so.

 

Mentioned last week, Vanessa Browning, from Community Mind Matters who are behind the Mental Health Bench at Ayscoughfee as a personal standout community connection point, also hosts small, intimate walking groups.

These are really brilliant because nuanced relationships can build, rather than perhaps spreading yourself too thinly over a large mass of individuals (something that happens naturally as people start to resonate with a group offering/service etc and should be managed accordingly).

But the reason I bring this up is because it really lends itself to the autistic experience, certainly my own, of desiring connection but on my terms.

A calm atmosphere to roam and the option to talk alongside abandoning the ‘need’ for eye contact is bliss and I cannot write enough good things about what Community Mind Matters offers (www.facebook.com/Community-Mind-Matters-Walking-Group-1361552417198157).

Blue is the colour of ‘cure’ in the autistic community and in the week of this ‘Blue Monday’, it can be easy to blame yourself for failing to ‘fit in’ with the norms.

Red is a much more positive colour to represent the autistic community (see this article for more info and autistic insight: www.learnfromautistics.com/wear-redinstead-on-autism-acceptance-day).

I know these guidelines and articles are just outlines for you to fill in with your palette of personal circumstances but sometimes it only takes a few simple tools to hone a masterpiece (that’s you, by the way!).

So Monday, 17th January, may be dreaded as the ‘saddest day of the year’ but in light of these tips and tools that can make a world of difference, I will support Blue Monday in one very important way; Blue Sky Thinking on what could be waiting around the corner.

Guess we’ll have to paint and see...


January 2022 - Puzzles

Later this week (29th January) it is both National Puzzle Day and the start of National Storytelling Week. What can puzzles and autistic people POSSIBLY have in common...(yeah, I can use sarcasm).

National Puzzle Day is described as: “An annual celebration that is growing in size every year, this awareness day was developed by puzzle lovers for a variety of reasons. Firstly it was established to celebrate the firm family favourites that we all know and love...”

 

Do we all know and love puzzles? Well, in the physical sense but I think it also speaks to the curiosity of the human spirit and it is this that relates to how we view autistic people.

Autistic people are not puzzles, we should know this by now but does a dash of human curiosity help in the long term? Do we need the ‘outsiders,’ the neurotypical people, as much as they need us? People say the world would be boring if we thought the same... but that’s not true. If we all thought the same, we wouldn’t know any different.

 

It is true that diagnosis for years upon years has been ‘helped’ by those outside of the autistic experience to see that seeking formal recognition can signpost to support. It is true from my personal experience that it took a convergence of paths, a crossroads of both my own consciousness and of those around me, my dad and his friends. But I never felt bullied, pitied or examined by my family and friends.

My story, much like so many other stories with autistic people as the narrators, is a story of love. At least it should be. But there should always be a human element to it all. This is not to dismiss the unique autistic lens.

We need to stand out. Not to be bullied and pitied and examined but to remind us of the natural diversity of human life. In response to the recent Aucademy live chat,I made this little poem that relates in part to what I mean:

It is not about you or ‘them’

Let’s see the world through a human lens

The answer is not to comply with these

Layers of pretentiousness

We are already genderless

With pathologised precursors

This world assigns a ‘purpose.’

It’s not about ‘practical factors’ like controlling the ‘birth rate’

It’s the society that treats us all as ‘disordered’ in the first place.

Beyond The Spectrum, a project for autistic writers by Writing East Midlands, which includes Underdogs series author Chris Bonnello, is looking for Lincolnshire autistic participants. If ever there was an opportunity to harness that natural diversity into full focus this would be it. Info here: writingeast midlands.co.uk

It is a mere name but we shouldn’t be seeing ‘beyond the spectrum’ in this situation because the real puzzle here is not the autistic person fitting into the play-toy of the neurotypical’s design. The puzzle is life itself. Life is the puzzle we are all desperate to piece together.

Why are we here? What is in the ocean? What is up in space? Much bigger questions than “Why are they autistic?” “Why do they act this way?” “Why do they NOT act this way?”

There are enough resources, offline and online, to give you the answers you seek. When the jigsaw segments of life connect as one? Problem solved.

I’ve learned that the parts of a Rubic’s Cube are plastic. The story of plastic’s longlasting effect on our environment has been told over and over. It doesn’t rot easily. We need to find eco-friendly sustainable solutions, right?

The way we integrate autistic people alongside neurotypical people is the same principle.

We will preserve autistic wellbeing if we look differently at how we ‘treat’ them.

Why can’t we accept that we ARE all different and yet we DO fit as one master image?

Now that is puzzling...

February 2022 - Six Stages

Where are you on the journey?

Moving into the potential next phases of life post-January (restrictions eased), a blended approach to life incorporates both online and offline elements.

The piece of work I am about to describe was so incredibly important to me and, I believe, our community that I needed to make a column about this and solidify its existence in paper form as well as being online (though this newspaper column does have a Facebook page).

Anyway, back to the core of this column; The Six Stages Of Autistic Discovery.

It is extremely relevant not only to Lincolnshire’s autistic community as I have experienced it as a peer support group facilitator but also to the pandemic.

People who have been struggling perhaps more so than ‘the norm’ and those that have been unable to access a full diagnosis/es have been isolated and invalidated without a choice in the matter.

A diagnosis has always been a signpost to support (and that’s okay and it was necessary in my individual circumstance) but in recent years it has seemed like a privilege.

Now, I will choose to anticipate an influx of diagnoses since masks will no longer be mandatory (as that seems to have previously been a barrier to full assessment) but for persistently long waiting times, this work collating feelings and experiences to form the Six Stages Of Autistic Discovery could be the key to unlocking the gate to so much gated potential.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Embracing.

But how has each stage been affected by the pandemic way of life?

 

How can you feel proud and embrace being autistic when heightened anxieties seem to serve as reminders that are ‘different’ to most people who are eagerly returning to ‘norms?’

Depression has been rife throughout the pandemic and the consideration made above can create misplaced blame.

Anger can be directed at a system that may have misdiagnosed you, misunderstood you for years and you haven’t been able to access that diagnosis paper validation.

The environment at large has enough troublesome barriers to realising the potential of autistic people. Imagine what it does to us when that environment closes in on itself?

 

Denying your autistic or otherwise neurodivergent identity may become impossible when faced with so much at once, especially since Covid lockdowns have forced that to happen.

You burn out or meltdown and suddenly that’s YOUR problem?

What about all that built up to that moment?

And then there is Bargaining.

Thoughts that perhaps you are not struggling or achieving as much as other autistic people (I’m “high functioning”, not like those other “people with autism”).

Acceptance then, is not in the ideal sense of accepting one’s autistic self as it should be appreciated, but rather internalising your identity as infectiously repellent as Covid.

But I refer back to a poem I wrote back in March 2020 in which I wrote (albeit from a John Cena quote) ‘Control the controllable.’

All of these stages are ideally worked through until reaching Embracing and a subsequent dive into the authentic and empowered autistic community that awaits you.

Let us not pass judgment on the stages, it is a multi-layered journey.

I cannot unpack all the layers of this work but wherever you are on the journey, it is not a journey you need to take alone.

I am with you. The Six Stages Of Autistic Discovery lets you know that you are not alone.

It is my sincerest hope that the ultimate destination for all of you is not a loop of self-hate but a place of self-love and empowerment.

Discover your true potential as an autistic person. You’ll get there.



February 2022 - Triangle Of Trust

Furthering on from last week’s column on why autistic people make good relationship partners, this piece delves more into the theme of love through my proposed model of thinking I will call the Triangle Of Trust.

For those of us wanting to find a partner this time of year but struggle, this model of thinking is aimed at countering those feelings of loneliness and instead embedding POWER in being by yourself.

 

Essentially, if we have a small core group of people in our lives, we may discover that we don’t actually need any others.

Some people may find locating these people easier than others. The automatic answer would be to have your family as support; this isn’t true for everyone for various reasons.

 

But there is a quality each person in the triangle must possess; being unbiased.

People unconnected to each other are the best to form the triangle of trust and here’s why.

If you’re looking to make an important decision (assuming mental capacity has been assessed as competent to do so), unbiased input from a place of love is always best.

So for me personally, my dad is one of the people that forms my triangle of trust because in short, he has been there through the darkest times and lit the path ahead with sparks of creativity (writing poetry).

I could include my mum in my triangle of trust and I suppose my parents are interchangeable position-wise which is fine, the main thing that matters is that the people involved in the triangle of trust can give that distanced point of view (which I know not all dads will do but in my life, it works)

 

Secondly, I have certain friends I consult in times of need/direction and I trust them to have my best interests at heart. Online spaces can be crucial to getting that necessary direction because of the anonymity and this is twofold. One, it can just feel better to be vulnerable anonymously.

Two, and this pertains more to my role as a peer support group facilitator, it is essential to have time for self-care. But this second benefit from anonymous online safe spaces is, yet again, something to handle delicately.

Because of the nuanced autistic experience especially in this county, I deem it OKAY to be vulnerable and not know all the answers (Even with The Six Stages Of Autistic Discovery, there are discoveries to be made as an autistic man living in Lincolnshire which is all I am when it comes down to it). Go to https://aucademy.co.uk/2022/01/20/the-six-stages-of-autistic-discovery-the-journey-dr-chloe-farahar/

And this is a nice segue into my final point here.
It is okay for people in my life, the peer support group or otherwise, to find people OTHER THAN ME to confide in as a person in the Triangle Of Trust. Put egos aside.

 

Of course, I’ve chosen the triangle as an example reference but this could be extended to as many people as relevant, maybe it becomes a...circle of support (so many shape puns!)

Irrespective of the shape it takes, the principle I am trying to explain is that having unbiased people in your life really helps you gain perspective on what you need and what you don’t.

Unbiased, unconnected influences prove useful when individually, they reach the same conclusion over a given situation.

Quality over quantity. This goes for spending time with people too.

It shouldn’t be about how MANY people you have as friends or people you’re close to, or whether you’re making efforts to meet people or not (especially in this climate).

A few good people make a world of difference.

And this will all hopefully aid you in feeling comfortable with these people and less likely to fall into the traps of desperation, falling for anyone that steps up and makes fake promises to “love you” as your “significant other”.

You, as an individual, are significant. You have value in this world. You are loved.

Building that intimate network of support and love and great memories and moments is only going to fuel the self-love needed for a happy and empowered life (in my opinion)

Also, let’s not forget that layers of positive relationships overlap with positive friendships.

Empathising with others lives and not depending on them constantly, expecting them to answer you 10 times a day and a phone call at 3 am...(for example)

HOWEVER, if you both have that understanding of your friendship/relationship being founded on certain routines, that is potentially acceptable.

But relationships and friendships come and go through most of our lives (how often are people still friends, never mind lovers, with people from school days to now?)

And if you can have a select few people in your triangle of trust, that can become a source of calm and connection.
That’s what it’s all about, no? Meaningful connections.

Quality. Not quantity.

February 2022 - Valentine's Day 2022

Monday was Valentine’s Day. Connecting with another human being. Can’t be THAT hard can it? For many people, autistic and neurotypical alike, it is not.

Connecting the dominant neurotypical culture of ‘norms’ of behaviour with the autistic mind is an issue within itself, never mind the unwritten rules of how often we connect (too many text messages can be seen as ‘needy’ for example), knowing what a positive connection is (avoiding manipulating behaviour) and other such ‘barriers’ to realising relationship potential.

 

In a world so persistent in damaging our self-esteem, putting us under mental health services and then asking for more money as we are ‘failing’ us, as we will see backed up later in a quote, self-love is where the journey of finding someone truly starts.

To fill the gap of ‘us’ (autistic or otherwise neurodivergent) vs ‘them’ (non-autistic), reading and understanding the Double Empathy theory by autistic researcher Damian Milton is key.

 

Local dating organisation Flamingles gives this great advice: “For me, I think the most important thing when you are single is to learn to love yourself and enjoy being by yourself. Changing your mindset to ‘waiting to find someone’ to embracing being alone. You can end up feeling so empowered and proud of yourself and it can be a life changing moment in your life which will only be more of a positive moving forward when you do meet someone. Society tells us we need to be in love on Valentine’s Day...so be in love with yourself.”

This is sound advice but there are people that will be actively seeking someone; what about them? Well, if we treat ourselves with love and compassion then even if the potential partner pairings (autistic/neurotypical, autistic/autistic) do not work out, you will not feel helpless without that other person to make you ‘whole.’

Many autistic people have so much love to give and in the online-heavy world we have had to embrace in recent years, this can pose some problems.

Perhaps texting every few days, and realising that not everyone is online as often as you are, will help you and the person you are seeking a relationship with to bond more effectively.

I have been known to spend several years of my life searching for people to connect with and succumb to the familiarity to typing so many messages... This has ended up with me getting blocked or told it is ‘weird.’

 

But again, it takes understanding of the Double Empathy Theory, to know that it is a two-way street to realise and rectify this miscommunication.

Understanding that many autistic people are better online than offline. For those of us that can engage offline, it is about recognising that communication is a spectrum and a journey of getting to know each other.

If certain spaces overwhelm the autistic person, be compassionate and empathetic and all involved should ‘meet in the middle.’ It’s a partnership.

Why Autistic People Make Good Partners:

 

1. Straightforward - The idea of ‘trust’ gets foggy when considering polyamorous relationships but trusting a partner is a big thing for most people and many autistic people give refreshingly honest views.

2. Loyal - An autistic person who truly values themselves FIRST can make a very loyal person and I put that because when an autistic person is loyal to someone out of a sense of them not being able to be with anyone else, it can do more harm than good.

3. Loving/Caring - If our tendency to feel intensely can be harnessed by the right person, this means you will get a lot of love!

Perhaps those with hypo-sensitivity to certain sensory factors will seek out more of that sensory factor when it comes to hugs, let’s say, or something more ‘intimate.’

You won’t always get relationships ‘right’ but in my opinion, building on self-love and the ideas expressed in full by Damian Milton in the Double Empathy theory will go a long way.



March 2022 - Fix The Culture

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Delving into this seemingly innocent age-old adage, it describes owning your narrative. Taking ownership of words meant to hurt you actually helps to build up that wall to say “No, I am not X.”

 

And so how this may translate to the context of the autistic community is that resisting the effect of people using the R word, for example, to ignorantly explain someone’s behaviour can empower you.

If there is malicious intent, it is clear to most that it is something to defend against but what about when the words of oppression come from within?

 

I’m talking about internalised ableism. Specifically for now, let’s think about “aspie”. It may seem like a harmless, even cheerily expressive way of telling someone you’re autistic. However, I believe it acts as a way of distancing yourself from simply saying it as it is; autistic.

Aspie serves to create a false “hierarchy” of autistic experience akin to the extended version but equally divisive (and outdated) Asperger’s label which was only made to distinguish IQ (now what does THAT mean?)

Am I isolating myself from other autistic people by saying this? Possibly.

Other autistic people may see it as their “personal preference” and they would be right but I feel that if you know certain histories of words, or hearing enough lived experience to counter your belief that your “preference” is harmful to the “bigger picture” and still choosing to ignore it, this is problematic.

This distancing of the autistic identity happens within autistic people and the services we enter into. Autistic people and allies alike, please do your best to reiterate that you can just say autistic, it’s not a dirty word. Sometimes, because of how autistic people have been treated by society for at least 70 years, it will take someone on the outside to help them understand the divisive nature of their terms and feel comfortable with describing themselves fully and openly without shame or making themselves out to be “less” autistic than others (bargaining).

 

“Autie”; is another one I’m not sure adds to this bigger picture of positive autistic wellbeing and mental health. It can be infantilising and much like the “autism is my superpower” narrative, it aims to separate. “Autie” separates the “mature” autistic people as it is a “cutesy” word. The idea “superpowers” separates by saying in a same cutsey kind of way that autistic people are valuable because of their proposed superpowers/supposedly “hidden” abilities that people aren’t seeing.

The intent here is to value autistic people as autistic people but the more productive way of doing this is just to accept them as autistic people in all their beauty, not for what benefits a problematic, trauma-inducing society.

It is extremely difficult to be vulnerable in that way in wider society, not everyone is ready to discuss this stuff in everyday situations...but that’s problematic too.

The more positive feedback loops of empowering through language, the better our future can be. Mental health services, schools and areas of mass influence are in a privileged position so I believe they have a social and moral responsibility to develop these feedback loops. The cost of not doing so, may seem small but in the long-term, is severe.

 

The terms about our “condition” mentioned above are only a few that I personally think we should either do away with or at the very least, analyse the roots of.

Language does evolve, it’s true, and I am not blaming anyone for using such terms because they do pervade our culture. The culture of “dominant norms” which are the norms of neurotypical people. Not those that think differently, not neurodivergent people.

If you as a parent, carer, teacher, mental health practitioner or most importantly an autistic or otherwise neurodivergent person look at the life-affirming language and think it’s silly and you can’t be bothered to adjust your lens of viewing our experiences, isn’t that also problematic? It is “easier”; to go along with the status quo but that IS the problem. Back to the adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

When people are already broken internally, they won’t feel the sticks and stones of stigma being thrown.

“Fix” the culture. Live authentically.

 

 

March 2022 - Norm Breaking?

Neurodivergent, sometimes abbreviated as ND, means having a mind that functions in ways which diverge significantly from the dominant societal standards of ‘normal.’ Neurodivergent is quite a broad term. Neurodivergence (the state of being neurodivergent) can be largely or entirely genetic and innate, or it can be largely or entirely produced by brain-altering experience, or some combination of the two. Autism and dyslexia are examples of innate forms of neurodivergence, while alterations in brain functioning caused by such things as trauma, long-term meditation practice, or heavy usage of psychedelic drugs are examples of forms of neurodivergence produced through experience.

Is this not mindblowing?

 

I talk about autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people a lot but it should be warming to know that neurodivergence can be both innate such is the case with autistic people, ADHDers, dyslexic people and so on as well as acquired neurodivergence. Unifying us with our allies is only a good thing. We won’t have to shout so much then.

 

The active embrace of the neurodiversity paradigm and all its linguistic add-ons is a way to align us as people.

It replaces the awfully demeaning “everyone is a little autistic” and instead places us all on the spectrum of human experience whilst still acknowledging the nuances of each experience. Once we re-establish the status quo as an evolving, shapeless timeline then we can start to transform the culture.

 

As written about last week, words have power internally and therefore externally.

Calling everyone “little autistic” is a little like acid rain. It burns the natural fossil fuels that could be used differently.

It behaves as if it’s a shelter to protected characteristics but in fact, it keeps us from embracing the environment authentically. Feeling authentically and reacting accordingly.

In contrast, the neurociversity paradigm provides an alternative (yet far from revolutionary) lens to see people through and the umbrella term “neurodivergence” both innate and acquired, enables us to be under one layer of existence and leaves room for the unique manifestations of identity.

Neurotypical is not the opposite of “autistic”. Being autistic is one form of neurodivergence. Having PTSD is another form of neurodivergence. The manifestations of both are clearly not the same. One may reject “treatment”; whereas the other may desire “treatment”; in a very different sense.

 

Neurodiversity is the natural variation of human minds and this is why it is not revolutionary to suggest that we should view the world with this as a centre point of focus.

But this is not talked about enough, maybe nowhere in Lincolnshire? (correct if I’m wrong)

Let’s examine the three fundamental principles of the Neurodiversity Paradigm as expressed here by Dr Nick Walker:

1.) Neurodiversity is a natural and valuable form of human diversity.

 

2.) The idea that there is one “normal” or “healthy” type of brain or mind, or one “right” style of neurocognitive functioning, is a culturally constructed fiction, no more valid (and no more conducive to a healthy society or to the overall well-being of humanity) than the idea that there is one “normal” or “right” ethnicity, gender, or culture.

3.) The social dynamics that manifest in regard to neurodiversity are similar to the social dynamics that manifest in regard to other forms of human diversity (e.g., diversity of ethnicity, gender, or culture). These dynamics include the dynamics of social power inequalities, and also the dynamics by which diversity, when embraced, acts as a source of creative potential.

Please take time to read and truly engage and act on the principles of the Neurodiversity Paradigm so that we can shift from pathology and neurotypical privilege to freedom of neurological expression and collective power. This column is by no means extensive into how to apply these words in practice but I feel like I have laid other foundations of knowledge and insight in my three years of writing.



March 2022 - Stim, Baby, Stim!

Stimming: is it confined to autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people? Of course not. Should we respect the nuanced experiences of autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people when it comes to stimming? Absolutely.

Stimming is a word that can be used to describe movements and acts that regulate emotions/sensory input, induce happiness and appear during moments under stress as a coping mechanism.

From pacing around in a room or outside (me), clicking or chewing pens nervously, hand flapping and biting fingernails or anything quite frankly to rocking back and forth (me), repeating certain words (me) and fiddling with zips, stimming is incredibly varied. Do you see yourself in some or all of these movements/acts?

 

That’s fabulous. But this is not meant as fuel for the fake news that ‘everyone is a little autistic.’ Far from it, but it does touch on the unifying nature of stimming and yet the double standards of society.

If you saw someone in public flapping their hands and humming in a shop, how would you react?

 

If someone had their hands in their pockets but was biting down on their lip, how would you react? Would you even notice? Is it only the ‘observable’ stims that bother you? The ones that ‘stand out?’ Do you think that’s an issue?

Take time to self-assess your reactions in public to the following and far more potential examples of stimming and objectively look at your tolerance levels; you may discover something about yourself.

We can get so wrapped up in this idea that life is fast-paced and we don’t have time to worry about someone’s particular way of expressing joy or, in contrast, their distress and yet doesn’t everyone have a right to express themselves? Are we dehumanising people by invalidating or shaming these expressions of thought and feeling?

I am not advocating for masking. But there is innovation to be found in daily objects and situations and we should wholly embrace this.

Using my personal example unashamedly, I ‘technically’ have a dog chew...but it works just as well (better!) as a stim item for grabbing and chewing on for myself. I don’t chew it in public but I have definitely grabbed and handled it in public situations when I’ve needed to occupy my mind or simply because I enjoy it.

 

If, at this point, you are thinking that this is childish or that I should not have ‘made myself vulnerable’ by revealing this, I refer back to my urge for you to self-assess and objectively look at your own potential bias/ignorance.

I spoke about the idea of repurposing otherwise ordinary items of life in my TEDxNorwich Ed talk titled ‘Why We Should Make Mountains Out Of Molehills’ but just in case you haven’t seen or heard it, I’ll reiterate here.

When it comes to unrecognised, under-utilised, unfulfilled, unconventional people, we have to imagine multiple dimensions.

Different approaches to life and the people in it benefits us all and the same can be said for the things we interact with in the world.

 

A spatula is for cooking but also acts as a rough-textured stim for someone who may be sensory seeking.

A kitchen counter is often ‘just there’ but for the sensory seekers may have some auditory stims or could be something to tap on so they can regulate through tactile methods.

Why not embrace neurodivergent family living and have an entire wall for painting to express yourselves in a tactile, visual and perhaps auditory ways?

Maybe that seems like a stretch or an impossibility for some and that’s fine, situations vary. But taking what we have for granted is failing to meet the needs of autistic and otherwise neurodivergent families.

Stop living up to ‘the norms’ and start living ‘your norms.’

March 2022 - 

This week, from 14th - 19th March, the Sleaford-based Rainbow Stars will be taking over the Carre Street art gallery in Sleaford as part of the Riverlight Festival.

I was approached to become involved in adding to the festival in the form of juggling.

No, poetry. And painting. At the same time.

Yes, that time I was serious.

I had wanted to try out new ways of performing for a while, whether it was a musical collaboration (still looking!) or in this case, telling a story whilst painting simultaneously.

 

It has been recorded for Covid purposes I believe but nonetheless, the creative venture was one worth exploring, with crazy results. I’m all about the process of art as well as the ‘finished’ piece so this was extremely rewarding in that sense.

There are many themes to the festival but I honed in on ‘colour’ and ‘sense.’

I believe that many autistic people are also likely synaesthetes which can best be explained as a person whose senses mix together. The definition online is as follows: ‘the production of a sense impression relating to one sense or part of the body by stimulation of another sense or part of the body’.

So words may have tastes, people may have colours or smells and so on.

Quite extraordinary you may think but I am sure there would also be some difficulty attached if the sensorial impression was unpleasant.

 

This is not through firsthand experience and I am always learning more and opening dialogues for those able and willing to educate.

But combined by a chat with my undiagnosed autistic father (and probably my grandmother and other family members upon reflection, rather naturally!), this was the idea that birthed what I have made for the festival.

I began painting as a way of redefining where I was living at the time really, if I recall, and it had been a long time since I’d done so openly in a gallery.

My poem is a cultural commentary blended with paintstrokes and I am very proud of it. It is a physical space in which I embodied but I do hope you get something from the piece.

 

Every artist involved with the festival, including the wonderful charity Rainbow Stars’ members, should be very proud of what they have collectively accomplished.



March 2022 - Snippet of A Short Story (The Empathy Economy)

The Empathy Economy

Bankrupt (prologue)


Ever wanted someone to spend a day (or more!) in your life?
Well, look no further...literally.

Welcome to The Empathorium. The world's first empathy-empowerment trading system!
Donate, download and ultimately deepen your connections with the people you share this planet with. The perpetually elusive meaning of life keeps us asking WHY we are here but now you can find out HOW.

Donate your experiences to feel what it's like to not only be in someone else's story and, potentially, write new endings. Invite people into your experience to truly immerse them in timelines of your life to deepen that power we all possess inside.

Download other's experiences via the world's first true VR-enhanced data gallery.
Data is stored in a securely encrypted collection of stories.
Think of them as interactive messages in bottle (with a message from your story if you like!)

Empathy is the currency but what does it buy?

Healing from trauma. Mutual understanding and empowerment.
Throw away the master's tools and create your own through authentic connection-building.

The Empathorium is leading the way with a path to enlightenment, if not yours then someone else's.  Change a generation.

 
Connection is currency.

'Everyone has to start somewhere,' she thought as the golden illumination of The Empathorium beckoned her in for a testing session.
The road here was clearly the one less traveled, both metaphorically and environmentally.
But an opportunity to tell her story was impossible to turn down.

Lush, thriving greenery decorated HER Path To Fulfilment which, if she was to believe the notes she'd seen on previous visits and feedback from friends, was what individuals called their personalised route that was pre-arranged via the care co-ordinators available on request.
She had been to a few environmental development sessions and knew that specially trained people had considered the best ways to preserve donors' authentic samples.
What this meant in plain speak was that The Empathorium needed pure experiences and they worked with you in attempts to reduce trauma triggers, though members of The Team were on-site in the event of individuals being triggered or otherwise compromised on their Path To Fulfilment, accommodated as best as possible.
 
Inside The Empathorium, a large glass-walled network of sustainably sourced bottles greeted her. Transparent vessels of experiences. This open-space foyer was The Energy Exchange.
To the far right of the wall, she could make out the VR integration station with a set waiting for her when she was ready to donate.
She had given blood before but never donated in this way but she couldn't handle the looping chaos in her mind.
So let someone else have it.  Maybe someone else can break the cycle.

And in turn, she would set herself free. 

She cautiously approached the spectacle that was soon to purify her.
Holding the VR integration station headset in her frail hands, she was simultaneously scared, amused and excited. The buttons on the remote indicated the 2 available options to her.


                                                                   Donate                 Download

She had the most incredible moment of clarity then.
The wireless connection collectors made it accessible for her specific needs.
Looking up at the 20 foot high glass museum of memories and moments, she breathed one final breath as her fingers pressed Donate.
The energy left her body almost effortlessly aside from the expected feeling which was akin to a gentle breeze of wind with a little drizzle across the face. It was like a revitalising walk in the rain.

Her eyes weary from late nights spent worrying, skin dry with malnutrition and spotty from an absence of proper care.
External signs of a 60 year old struggle.

And now, nothing.

The DNR she'd signed before her visit made sure that she'd leave this world behind as her mental and physical existence gave in. 
If words meant anything, she wished with all her remaining energy that they held true.

Change a generation.



Chapter 1: Daniel
"What's your story?" Janice asked her classmate as they timidly averted the gaze of most of the people in the playground.
"My story?" repeated Daniel, already feeling on edge.
"Yeah, your story!" My mum always says everyone has their story. People who judge a book by its cover miss out on the potentially beautiful stories inside them. You know?"
Daniel looked confused. "What if it's a beautiful cover? Am I not supposed to pick it up?"
Janice pondered this. "Well, you wouldn't pick it up because then you'd be picking up a person and that's...covers can look nice but not all 'books' are nice inside."
Daniel realised this quirky girl must mean personalities.
"Well, you look alright but I don't bother to read people much," Daniel replies with a knowing laugh.
To his surprise, Janice laughs in unison.
"So, most people you have tried reading haven't been worth it. But I am. And I think you are too."
"Why do you think that, you don't even know me?"
"Isn't that a good enough reason to find out?"
"If you want to get punched in the face for being too curious."
"Whoa, whoa. Let's not judge a book by its cover now," Janice laughs unalarmed by what others might consider a threat.
"I wouldn't do that to you, I was just saying not everyone appreciates it."
"True. But you appreciate me talking to you otherwise you would have pushed me away already."
"That is...accurate." Daniel scratches his head, wondering what this girl wanted and where she came from. After a pause from both Daniel and Janice hung in the air a little too long, he continued, "So I guess part of my story is someone that observes the world as it...as it...self-destructs?"
"It definitely has moments that make you think, What the hell is going on?"
"I agree. People just dance to the music, it doesn't matter what's playing."
"Do you ever feel like joining in?" enquired Janice.
"Nah, I dance to beat of my own drum. They like their routines."
"That's cool. An observer and a musician?"
"I like jazz. People say it's just a mess of sound but, to me..."
"You understand it?"
"It's free. Expressive."
"That's beautiful."
"Music has none of this," Daniel points out to the rest of the playground.
"What doesn't it have? Order?"
"Oh, it's got plenty of that. Disorder too. It's just...a maze. Jazz is so layered. Life here is...it just is."
"Hmm. Prefer to be your own person rather than be like them?"
"Absolutely."
Janice and Daniel stared equally intrigued out at the rest of their world...for now.
"This is a weird conversation, you know. But it's cool, I like it. Thanks."
"That's alright, I enjoy meeting new people and you seemed like you had a lot to say."
"Thanks. Most people think I'm aloof and avoid me or come at me stinking of pity."
"Judging the book by its cover."
"I suppose so. We're writing our story right now aren't we?"
"Yep! But what happens next?"
"Err...turn the page?" Daniel suggests.
Janice and Daniel laugh out loud at each other now.
"Good thing no one else is reading this book!"
"Let them judge," affirms Daniel.

Chapter 2
Janice had always been a giver. A giver of time. A giver of love.
Give. Give. Give. Give. Give.
She'd really enjoyed meeting Daniel but he was far from her first and far from her last.
She loved listening to and connecting with people.
Ever since meeting Daniel, she had continued to live out what in her mind was her purpose; to help others.
At the homeless shelter where she volunteered at weekends, familiar characters had already been and gone with their meal, searching for that next. Their next role in life as they'd been miscast so many times by life's anonymous, unforgiving director.
She desperately wanted to help everyone but she'd realised early on into her career as a teaching assistant that she couldn't be everything to everyone.
Doors could only be opened, you couldn't force people through them.
Ethan was one such person. An ambitious 18 year old with a knack for painting.
But neither Janice nor Ethan knew this at the time.

Ethan came from a close family of addicts. The dreaded A word conjured up so many images for staff and wider world alike. Ethan was talked to like a child, and in some ways, he was, but not in the way many thought. He was a switched-on young man who had caught on early, probably out of necessity, that the world was not merely black and white.
He didn't need people treading on egg shells around him, he didn't need their judgment.
Ethan wanted a genuine connection with people. Genuine desires to help. Himself but also his family. People acted like addicts were another A word; Aliens.

Ethan believed his dad wasn't a bad man, he had merely lost his way due to a decision made at a vulnerable moment, and the consequences of this decision were being shoved down his throat every time someone scorned, tutted or looked away from him. Refusing to see him as a human.
Those that did look his way were fellow people attempting to paint their lives in new colours but had the same or similar dependencies as him.  Was it hard to see why his dad felt he belong to a group like that? Ethan didn't think it was hard to see the appeal at all.

Janice had betted on herself and her efforts to offer life-altering opportunities for Ethan with their first meeting being at an alternative educational setting.
They met behind a partition that separated the 'main' class from what was quickly becoming Ethan's retreat.
"Hiya Ethan, how's it going today?"
"I mean, I'm here." Ethan replied dully, barely looking up at Janice.
"Correct. And you know what? It's great to have you here."
"Doesn't feel like it. I'll get in trouble for not being part of the group."
"Teachers teach best based on how the learner learns."
"That's a tongue twister!" exclaims Ethan.
"Participation means different things to different people. If you are listening and engaging in ways that are safe for you right now, I'm happy. Now, this is a process so if you get more confident as we go on, that's amazing, but 'forcing' you out there to 'join in' is only going to set you up for failure, am I right?"
Ethan's face suddenly tightened with constrained emotion. Understanding, at last.
"So let's focus on right now and go from there, yeah?"
"That'd be cool. Thanks."

And from there, they began to deepen their connection. On Ethan's terms.
Just talking. Procrastinating, to some.
But as Janice was fully aware, the problem with mainstream education and society at large was that it was never asking what marginalised, neurodivergent people's stories were.
They had already written their endings.


Chapter 3
Anoher session with Ethan. Most people had written him and countless others off but that was the start as far as Janice was concerned. Some colleagues all but called her naive to her face though she felt the stares, the doubt that all these lives could be saved.
Ethan arrived with his black tiger strap bag drooping over his shoulder, a sombreness falling over his young but battle-tested eyes and face.
The sombreness lightened as he saw Janice in her smartly casual businesswear, grey trousers and jacket with matching training shoes and a black top to cap it off.
Janice felt like a collective consciousness had entranced them both as defensive layers of superficial sternness wore away from Ethan.
Hopefully, this was the beginning of a trusting relationship between the two.
Ethan needed something to believe in, or perhaps he just needed to believe in himself.

"Hi Ethan, how's it going today, honestly?"
"Hi err, Janice, I'm here.
"Absolutely. Great to see you. Journey okay?"
"Yeah," Ethan offered without further note.
"Alright then, well we are aiming to learn and talk about life skills today."
"Hold on," Ethan held up his palm to Janice.
"Everything okay, Ethan?" Janice replied cheerily and ready to listen.
After a few seconds of deliberate pause, Ethan responded, "Yep, I can still breathe."
Janice laughed at the literal take on the 'lesson' today.
Lesson in the broadest sense, especially when it came to life skills.
Yes, there were the obvious functions of human life that Ethan had eloquently presented but what defined a skill in life? People had survival instincts to fend off attackers but if a situation occurred that couldn't prove that it was appropriate in the minds of law enforcement, you got penalised. It was all subjective as far as Janice saw it.
Thankfully, the alternative educational setting Janice was stationed at agreed with her personalised approach. But even if they didn't...

The lecturer on the other side of the partition commenced her session, "Today guys, gals, non-binary pals, we are going to look at life skills. No one has to talk about personal stuff if they don't want to but most of this is all about what matters to YOUR life.
I might be messy to someone else but as long as I'm able to live healthily, happily and sustainably, it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks. So, any volunteers to tell us all what matters to them? Anyone cook for themselves? Care for any pets?"
Ethan and Janice sat contentedly in silence as they absorbed the information and thought.

Pressure to speak would be a mistake. Pressure makes diamonds but it also breaks glass.
"Gregory? Yeah, I have Pepper, my dog. She helps calm me down if I'm stressed out about stuff. But I feed her and we have a bond, I think. Better than most people to me."
"Excellent," replied Gregory the lecturer, "and are you passionate about dogs, all animals maybe? Would you like a job helping them in some way?"
"Oh yeah, that would be amazing. No people then."
"Right, well some people are okay but I understand."
"Yeah, my dad drives us both to the vets at the moment and I stay with her whilst dad does some shopping before picking me up. I asked the vet about an apprenticeship."
"Incredible, awesome news Katy."
Something within Ethan's mind was triggered as his eyes disengaged then immediately tried refocusing but it was clear something had happened internally and he was adapting his superficial layer of I'm okay.
Despite knowing this, Janice asked the question.
"Everything okay, Ethan?"
"My dad drives me places too."
"Alright, where do you both go?"
"Friends that help him out from time to time. Sometimes he comes back with money so that's positive, right?"
Janice knew there was more to this story but Ethan was the storyteller here.
Of fairytales. Indeed, there was more to this story; Ethan was protective.
"I suppose, so." muttered Janice nonchalantly.


Chapter 4
"So how's Ethan doing?" Gregory asked whilst sat on a rather too luxurious sofa in the lecturer's relaxation room. Janice pondered her senior colleague's question seriously before answering. She sat back in her lone purple suite chair and it was most definitely 'hers.'
The way it felt just embraced her shape, aided her thoughts to flow around her mind and out into the wider world. Her mind had an affinity for learning. The trajectory of her thoughts was not linear like most people she'd met. In fact, she could see multiple avenues for meaning, leaving almost too much open to interpretation that she often froze.
"Jan?" continued Gregory, Greg for short.
"Sorry, you know how I get. I personally think he's doing well all things considered."
Janice did not mean 'all things considered' literally because if she had, she wouldn't have felt the urge to verbalise her thoughts yet. The answer seemed to satisfy Greg.
"Mm, I think so too. You think everyone is doing well though. Always the optimist, Jan."
"Is there any other way to be?" smiled Janice as she  genuinely enquired.
"Some people aren't ready to accept a positive outlook until they reach the other side of whatever they're going through. Some people never see the other side but it is only ever our place to guide, I believe."
Janice admired Greg's reservations. It was so easy to get wrapped up in someone's life until it cocooned you to the point of no escape. That was not only a professional distinction between Janice and her learners but also one human to another. Understanding yourself was key to living a fulfilling life but shared understanding gave keys that unlocked all people's potential.

"Right, I suppose we'd better get back to these learning journeys," suggest Greg.
Janice nodded towards Greg who was the only other lecturer in the room which she'd only realised these last few moments. She went to stand up too quickly but pushed too hard on her heels and stumbled on the spot until she collapsed clumsily back into the chair.
"Ooh, steady there Jan. Too much alcohol?" Greg joked as he held out his hand to help.
Janice was caught in that singular joke for what seemed like an eternity.
"Cliffhanger...will she or won't she?" Greg positioned himself firmly prepared to pull Janice up but her brain was on fire.
Did Greg mean to sound so simple in his delivery of 'too much booze?' As if it's something to joke about? Is that his way of detaching himself? Is he acting privileged?
God, he reached out his hand, I should take it but I'm an independent woman.
Oh for god's sake, just take his hand. It's a hand. Ooh, no wedding ring.

The words erupted out of Janice as her body appeared to respond in kind, erupting out of her seat with a passion that would have staggered those unfamiliar with it.
But Greg had been expecting her rush and stepped aside stealthily as he done so many times before.




April 2022 - This Is Not The End...

This is not the end but as the Lincolnshire Free Press continues to move into the digital realm, there is only so much space in the physical paper for columns.

Unfortunately, Autistic Lincs is not being kept in the physical space but that doesn’t mean we cannot further engage in the virtual space.

 

If the Intersectional Infinity Summit has taught me and others anything, it is that technology when harnessed for good can be narrative-shifting, life-affirming and bridge-building (The Summit coverage is something you’ll only really have read about if you follow the page online!).

I would like to take this time to acknowledge the journey I have been on as a writer and those that have been, and will always be, part of that journey.

 

(Former Free Press reporter) Winston Brown, a connection I made during my Youth Takeover days, is the man I first contacted regarding the potential of an autistic author.

I was told to put a column to the editor, Jeremy Ransome, and the rest is history... but at the same time as I knew then, it was the present and future.

What this meant for our community of autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people was that we had a voice.

I would often ask the autistic adult peer support group Autistic Led for their thoughts on columns, as I wanted this to be a collaborative process of learning and share the platform of one with the voices of many.

I can leave the paper editions of this column behind feeling like I have done that but I’d love to read your thoughts on the journey of Autistic Lincs, perhaps what you’d like to see in the virtual space, or whatever you want to put my way!

 

As my personal journey as a poet shows too, that accessibility of the online world has meant that the written word on paper is one that isn’t my automatic choice any more. And that’s okay.

I am still able to write on paper instead of taking to the keyboard and for me, this is a crucial balance and informs us on the spectrum of communication; it is all valid.

So thank you Lincolnshire Free Press for your willingness to be led by this autistic voice, covering everything from sexuality, housing and communication to the harsher side of things with proposed bleach cures. And then the wrestling!

This will seem like a tangent...

 

Wrestlemania is this weekend and they have an event called the Hall Of Fame. Essentially, this is where personalities of the entertainment/sport get their acknowledgements for their contributions to the business.

They ‘accept’ an award.

And one man this year who is going to accept an award is The Undertaker.

He has lived in his wrestling ‘character’ for decades but since his retirement, he has shown his true self behind the scenes of the wrestling business.

With Autistic April here, it is fitting that I am making this column to acknowledge others and can undeniably say that my voice, my contributions, have been accepted.

I will end this column here purely because I don’t want to go over my word limit!

There is, after all, only so much one can put on one page! But that’s what this evolution is about...thank you. Love and solidarity. Ciao for now!